come out, come out wherever you are!
have you ever thought what it must be like to 'come out' as gay to your friends and family?
[if any of you have actually been through the experience i would love to hear your story (if not on the site here, then by email maybe). how did you feel before, during and after? what were the consequences? are you treated differently now?]
there is much that i admire in the gay community, much that the church as a whole can learn and take example from. walk a mile in the moccasins of a gay person coming out, reflect and then comment. imagine turning your back on everything you have been brought up to believe; everything that other people (including those closest to you, whose approval and validation you most need and crave) expect from and for you; risking lasting rejection from your parents, neighbours, 'friends', wider society and even the church.
and the rejection comes, in spades, from all the expected (and several devastatingly unexpected) places. life-long friendships and even blood ties, are re-assessed, revised, revoked; wounded, and struggling you seek solace in your new-found community. the desire to live, work, breath, eat and die there is almost palpably strong; yet you resist, in part for practical reasons - you still need to earn a living, to leave the kids to school, to buy milk from the local grocery store - and partly due to a deep-felt desire for vindication, validation, acceptance, love.
and so, with the threat of discrimination and even violence ever hanging over you, you walk the streets - an embodied challenge to all those with the effrontery to call themselves 'normal', only because their peccadilloes and indiscretions are less obvious and/or more socially acceptable. simply by being, you call all others into question. threatened by your very identity, they hear a clarion call to self-examination and, fearing the implications of that level of scrutiny perhaps, sublimate their own fears and uncertainties into abject hatred for you.
and yet still you act; still you are compelled by you-know-not-what - genes? your upbringing? the devil? god? - to step out and take a stand.
compare this with the average westerner 'coming out' as a christian and the contrast could not be more stark (i am deliberately not including those who convert from different religions, as i am aware that this experience can be much closer to that of the 'out' gay person). rarely is there a sense in the convert that they are standing in stark relief to the prevailing mores; rarely is there any sense of loneliness, isolation, rejection, fear of reprisal. news of one's conversion is more likely to be greeted with warm congratulations or bored yawns of indifference at worst.
yet when jesus of nazareth called men and women to accept the implications of his teachings and to follow him, his allusions are in equal measure to death and suffering as well as to life and wholeness. the cross is the enduring icon of christianity - representing the death of jesus himself and the desire of his followers to "share in the fellowship of his sufferings, becoming like him in his death and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection of the dead." it seems to me that if we can imagine a way to follow christ here in the 21st century which does not have a high probability of physical martyrdom, even here, in the "christian" west, we are reading the scriptures incorrectly. and so it seems that the usual experience of a 'follower of the way' ought to be something more akin to the gay experience than that of the regular evangelical (myself obviously included). indeed, as with the gay community and as it was for jesus and his original followers, the biggest threat, the biggest alienation and rejection, will more than likely come from within the religious community, rather than from those outside.
this, of course, begs the question, where and how ought the christian to be so counter-cultural. aye, there's the rub, the controversy, the debate and, no doubt, the subject of a subsequent posting. for now simply pray for the gay community and thank god for the lessons they can teach those of us who walk an easier path.


I am of the opinion that the feelings of a gay person "coming out" our experienced every day by new christians! My 10 year old daughter (your neice!) has experienced all these emotions when she has declared her Christian beliefs to her friends. I feel that the time is now past when the declaration of a Christian faith evokes a postive response and at the very least the declaration will provide a laugh and a joke from your peers if not ridicule and more! I do agree that we are both minority groups now.
Posted by: Trudy Lodge | Saturday, 08 September 2007 at 07:59 AM
Hi Bro, as you know we are soon to leave our metrosexual inner city life and move out to the country where new challenges await and I look forward to being - the only "christian" in the village!
Au revoir mon cherie! x.
Posted by: Jason | Saturday, 08 September 2007 at 08:13 AM
coming from someone who was bullied in school for being a christian, i dont feel it is comparable. kids will bully if you have the wrong kind of glasses or if you have braces or the wrong schoolbag. don't get me wrong this is a nightmare! and it is terrible to be bullied for something that is meaninful and it is so easy at that age to give in to peer pressure and conform.
but to recieve alienation from your family, your church, your friends, your town perhaps, as a grown up, when you should expect more from people is on a whole other scale. i think that still to alot of people being gay is almost like a kind of infectious disease.
Posted by: alli | Saturday, 08 September 2007 at 10:12 AM
Great read Shane, thanks. Tears. As one who has come out as a Christian many years ago and as one who has come out as a lesbian... I do not compare the two at all. For me, they are different.
One brings rejection from the world possibly.. the other brings rejection from the world and the church.
Becoming a Christian was something that was joy filled, excitement, couldn't wait to share it with others. My being gay was something that had to be secret, I had to be ashamed of, couldn't tell anyone... years of agonizing about whether or not to remain in the closet. Never fully knowing the extent to which the hurt and loss would be if I came out. One felt like a choice, one I chose.. to follow Christ. The other felt like something I couldn't choose or unchoose and definately not something I wanted.
Posted by: joni | Friday, 05 October 2007 at 10:00 AM
I laughed a little when I read the first comment that new christians feel as much pain as gay people feel coming out. Coming out has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I very much doubt that christians feel as much anguish, or that they try as hard to suppress totally natural feelings that gay people do. Telling people that I am christian garners me far less stares, far far less hate than when I let people know that I also happen to like men.
Please, don't make me laugh
Posted by: Paul P | Thursday, 29 November 2007 at 03:52 AM
i think the challenge is for christians to ask why we are no longer despised and reviled for being utterly counter-cultural. why are there so few hate crimes against christians any more like there were in past centuries (this is at least true in the west). also, there is a clarion call to stand against the oppression of any group and stand in solidarity with that group - muslim, gay ...
paul and joni i hope you find a community where you can be loved, encouraged, challenged, provoked, rebuked, corrected and trained in righteousness.
thanks for sharing your stories everyone.
Posted by: shane magee | Thursday, 29 November 2007 at 09:02 AM